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Grand_Admiral_Murrel

Murrel's Monologue #1

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Good day ladies and gentlemen, 

My name is Murrel. Friends call me Grand. Others call me a lot worse. Call me what you like, so long as you don't call me maybe. 

This month's been an interesting one for World of Warships - a lot has happened. Many of you likely heard of the "reload bug" that's been going around. Don't worry, all you battleship players - they're too slow to catch a cold. If you like to play smaller ships with rapid-firing guns, then you likely have been a victim of this phenomenon that involves the game's "tick-rate" preventing you from firing your guns as rapidly as possible. According to official sources, this issue has gone unnoticed for years and has been exacerbated by the new commander skills that buff reload. This means that all of these ships have been balanced accordingly, but rest assured, once the fix comes all of those annoying HE-spammers will only get more annoying. 

In other news, commanders of nations other than those of Russia are getting a fresh spin on their new voicelines. Wargaming community engagement understands the frustration for what many call Russian bias, otherwise known as the wth-is-Petro complex. Using quick commands has been proven as a means for players to vent their frustration, and so the following voiceline will be added as of Update 0.12.0: "Russian warship, go :etc_swear: yourself." In unrelated news, all Russian warships will now be known as "special-operations-ships." 

Most recently, two new ships were announced this week: Italian aircraft carrier Aquila and American light cruiser San Diego. For those who don't know, the Aquila was an aircraft carrier that Italy failed to complete in WWII due to... minor complications. She will be armed with squadrons of rocket planes and torpedo bombers, but it appears that they forgot to add conventional bombers. WG has pledged to add this ship to the game as historically accurate as possible. That is to say, incomplete and unbalanced:  

image.png.dac4beb10e2a900b90419933558f87a5.png

I could write a list of how unbalanced this ship will be, but I don't want to come across as leaning to one side or another. 

But, if you thought that adding another aircraft carrier was the most controversial discussion to happen on the forums, think again, because it's basically been ignored over the other ship that was announced, the San Diego. As it turns out, many people are unhappy with the stats provided to us by the developers. An Atlanta with slightly better shell ballistics, a main battery reload booster, and no AP, but it has SAP ammunition. The SAP ammunition comes with the benefit of high damage and much higher penetration than the standard HE shells. I could make some sort of dirty penetration joke about SAP and main battery reload booster active, but I'm too mature for that. All you need to know is that it hits hard and fast. If you're thinking, that doesn't sound too bad, that sounds like a better Austin a few tiers lower, you would be right. Except that San Diego has an 8.5 second reload on her main battery, and it's at tier 8. That's waaaay longer than Atlanta's base reload one tier lower. Why, that's the same length of time it takes for the forum moderators to process jokes. But what drives this impassioned crusade by the community, led by @LittleWhiteMouse ? Well, San Diego is a famous ship, and holds sentimental value for many. Like SeaWorld, the biggest attraction to San Diego will be for the whales. 

As a closing note, I wanted to go back to Russian bias. Everyone remember the Russian Bias Guy? 

image.thumb.png.9097ef8f59bdb12308bd1f1c5761b5bf.png

Well, turns out that it was precisely Russian bias that came back to bite him in the aft. The lesson? No one is safe from Russian Bias. In the West, we create Russian Bias. In Russia, Russian bias creates (and destroys) you. It is as inevitable as borscht at a Bolshevik buffet. It is as unstoppable as hot tub streams on Twitch. 

Well, that's the end of the line, folks. I hope you had a laugh! If you liked this, let me know which jokes you liked, or if you have better ones please share them! If you disliked it, please let me know why, and I will take all feedback in stride. Thanks for reading, and take care!  ~Murrel

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I'd call you Admiral, but you're still just some mustang WO...and calling you Grand makes it sound like I'm calling you a buttered roll...not going there.  So Murrel it will be!  Nicely written, I enjoyed the wit, and your tasteful-yet-critical delivery.  I hope the best for your(hopefully) ongoing monologues!!

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4 hours ago, AirCrewChief said:

I'd call you Admiral, but you're still just some mustang WO...and calling you Grand makes it sound like I'm calling you a buttered roll...not going there.  So Murrel it will be!  Nicely written, I enjoyed the wit, and your tasteful-yet-critical delivery.  I hope the best for your(hopefully) ongoing monologues!!

Thank you for the kind words @AirCrewChief! When I wrote this, I spent a lot of time trying to think of subtle yet funny jokes that weren't crude or tasteless. There's too much of that these days. I'm an old soul in a young body, who has a healthy respect for the "old-style" humour of the 60s. Ronald Reagan gave me a little inspiration, too. 

It seems one person thought it was a snoozer, but I'll keep it up (and hopefully get better at it as I go). Thanks again, and take care!

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Just now, Grand_Admiral_Murrel said:

Thank you for the kind words @AirCrewChief! When I wrote this, I spent a lot of time trying to think of subtle yet funny jokes that weren't crude or tasteless. There's too much of that these days. I'm an old soul in a young body, who has a healthy respect for the "old-style" humour of the 60s. Ronald Reagan gave me a little inspiration, too. 

It seems one person thought it was a snoozer, but I'll keep it up (and hopefully get better at it as I go). Thanks again, and take care!

Keep at it young Padawan.  Oh, and don't forget to open a Twitch channel, a Discord channel, a YouTube channel...oh, and a Patreon page.  What the heck, start up an Etsy storefront too!  

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37 minutes ago, AirCrewChief said:

Keep at it young Padawan.  Oh, and don't forget to open a Twitch channel, a Discord channel, a YouTube channel...oh, and a Patreon page.  What the heck, start up an Etsy storefront too!  

Haha, that would be something, wouldn't it. Actually, if it wasn't for the fact I'm a full-time student, I would have done an audio version of my monologue. It would have had better deliver than text on a page, that's for sure. 

I'll be finished my civil engineering degree (heaven help me) in 13 months, at which point I hope to join the Canadian Armed Forces. The end goal is to use my degree to get into officer training, although I'm flip-flopping between which branch of the military I want to join. Naturally, the navy appeals, but I think I would rather have a physically challenging career in the infantry. 

Thanks again, friend!

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2 hours ago, Grand_Admiral_Murrel said:

Haha, that would be something, wouldn't it. Actually, if it wasn't for the fact I'm a full-time student, I would have done an audio version of my monologue. It would have had better deliver than text on a page, that's for sure. 

I'll be finished my civil engineering degree (heaven help me) in 13 months, at which point I hope to join the Canadian Armed Forces. The end goal is to use my degree to get into officer training, although I'm flip-flopping between which branch of the military I want to join. Naturally, the navy appeals, but I think I would rather have a physically challenging career in the infantry. 

Thanks again, friend!

I'm a retired Chief from the USN; served in Bremerton, and on NAS Whidbey Island.  Navy is the way to go!!  Congratulations on pursuing your Engineering degree, and early congratulations on graduating!

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