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Lord_Argus

I'm Sorry I Killed You

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Words cannot describe how heartbroken I was today after I watched your ship sink to the bottom of the ocean. I knew it was going to be one of those games as soon as I loaded in, there was just something heavy in the air. I didn't intend to sink you, in fact I wasn't even looking your way as I was focused on the Kremlin that was headed towards the cap I was assigned to defend. I knew you were capping B of course, I keep aware of the map, but I was so far away and I chalked it up to someone else's problem. My mind was on guarding our DD, dodging your teams torps and as I said, trying to kill the Kremlin. So, low and behold I was taken by full surprise when from out of nowhere I was set on fire! I glance across the map and there you are firing away at me. How dare you throw fire towards my pristine ship and damage its beautiful armored deck! I was so appalled by your greediness that I nearly choked on the Taco Bell I was eating at the same time. Instead of taking our cap harm free and leaving me to defend our other one, YOU WANT BOTH?? I knew then that I would have to take matters into my own hands and hunt you down to stop this atrocity. 

It saddened me to no end because I also knew you and I were not equals. I honestly felt a wave of guilt even then because I had glanced at your stats when the match started. No offense, I do it in every Ranked game, it's just a bad habit I know. Slowly I turned from the Kremlin and aimed my guns towards the Island you were trying to hide behind. Oh poor Captain, poor poor Captain! If you had more experience, perhaps you would know my shells have a moderate arc and will easily find you sitting behind that barren oasis. My only saving grace was that I knew it would be over quickly. When my first few shells hit you, I admit I was surprised you moved ahead at full speed from behind the scraggly barrier of sand and rock. Out into the open you glided and although I did not understand your motives for doing so, it just made my sad task all the more easier. As your life faded away, I sat upright in my recliner and cried out a verse from the Dying Sailor poem in your honor!

Wrap me in my country's flag
And lay me in the cold blue sea,
And let the roaring of the waves
My solemn requiem be.
And I shall sleep a pleasant sleep
While storms above their vigils keep.

I watched as your ship slowly sunk out of sight and I let out a long sigh of melancholy. I turned back to face the Kremlin and found he was now broadside to me and firing at one of my allies. My mood improved slightly as I fired but make no mistake, there was no real joy in our triumph. I think of you tonight and find focusing on my Netflix difficult. I think I will eat a fish sandwich tomorrow from Popeyes and remember you at the bottom of the ocean, surrounded by colorful fishes and every manner or sea creature. 

 

Edited by Lord_Argus
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  • Funny 4
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You need a vacation more than I do. Look at yourself. What a mess in that mind of yours.

When I see battle in a game whatever it be (Dodge ball in particular....) I see problems to be eliminated first starting with the most effective predator on their team and working down. The slow 200 pound dweeb with cardio problems and lack of agility is the last to be taken out. he can be at any time. But because he gets in the way of his faster and more dangerously agile and stronger teammates I keep him alive a while. literally because he is in the way

.Victory is from means used to achieve it. Anything else is a pointless waste or better yet a experiement to see if we can acheive the same game conditons faster in dodge ball by hiring 10 slow big ones to shield several really dangerous predators long enough to eliminate any team that the school can assemble from it's entire student body including adult teachers and staff who are fit enough to play.

By the end of that year of dodgeball, we had been able to fight 3 to one team sizes and still win. Limitations imposed by time limits of 40 minutes in the Gym combined with the ultimate lack of space indoors required the game to be transferred to the field outside which created new battle problems all together. For example the famed 10 dweeb battle line can be rotated across a soccer field by fast runners with balls who can run two miles and run the big ones out of steam while the designated killers ran in and survived long enough to take out the enemy top players once protected by the dweeb shield until they fell onto the grass out of air and asking for water in the hot sun.

Playing inside the gym in that cold air conditioning changed the battle situation in other ways. But victory was achieveable once you knew what specifically the problem to find and solve before that. We had two girls on our team who would flash the jocks on theirs long enough to kick in their body functions to freeze or slow them down long enough as they processed views considered both beautiful and alluring taking them completely out of the game mentally long enough to get hit by balls.

The teachers imposition of suspension against the girls for a week was a small loss towards victory. We just swapped in new girls. =) That finally ended the dodgeball year for good at that school in  that teenaged age group. So... we had our fun.

However.

The other team... they learned. They swapped in unitary gendered persons or those who could care less about girls. Then they started behaving somewhat .. provactively towards a few of our own predatory people that froze them in place long enough to be deleted by incoming balls.

The staffers were forced to address questions that evolved from there years before they were prepared to with approved educational materials in the appropriate grades.

Edited by xHeavy

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And up until I read these imaginative essays, I thought I might have a case of The Four Walls...

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5 hours ago, Lord_Argus said:

Words cannot describe how heartbroken I was today after I watched your ship sink to the bottom of the ocean. I knew it was going to be one of those games as soon as I loaded in, there was just something heavy in the air. I didn't intend to sink you, in fact I wasn't even looking your way as I was focused on the Kremlin that was headed towards the cap I was assigned to defend. I knew you were capping B of course, I keep aware of the map, but I was so far away and I chalked it up to someone else's problem. My mind was on guarding our DD, dodging your teams torps and as I said, trying to kill the Kremlin. So, low and behold I was taken by full surprise when from out of nowhere I was set on fire! I glance across the map and there you are firing away at me. How dare you throw fire towards my pristine ship and damage its beautiful armored deck! I was so appalled by your greediness that I nearly choked on the Taco Bell I was eating at the same time. Instead of taking our cap harm free and leaving me to defend our other one, YOU WANT BOTH?? I knew then that I would have to take matters into my own hands and hunt you down to stop this atrocity. 

It saddened me to no end because I also knew you and I were not equals. I honestly felt a wave of guilt even then because I had glanced at your stats when the match started. No offense, I do it in every Ranked game, it's just a bad habit I know. Slowly I turned from the Kremlin and aimed my guns towards the Island you were trying to hide behind. Oh poor Captain, poor poor Captain! If you had more experience, perhaps you would know my shells have a moderate arc and will easily find you sitting behind that barren oasis. My only saving grace was that I knew it would be over quickly. When my first few shells hit you, I admit I was surprised you moved ahead at full speed from behind the scraggly barrier of sand and rock. Out into the open you glided and although I did not understand your motives for doing so, it just made my sad task all the more easier. As your life faded away, I sat upright in my recliner and cried out a verse from the Dying Sailor poem in your honor!

Wrap me in my country's flag
And lay me in the cold blue sea,
And let the roaring of the waves
My solemn requiem be.
And I shall sleep a pleasant sleep
While storms above their vigils keep.

I watched as your ship slowly sunk out of sight and I let out a long sigh of melancholy. I turned back to face the Kremlin and found he was now broadside to me and firing at one of my allies. My mood improved slightly as I fired but make no mistake, there was no real joy in our triumph. I think of you tonight and find focusing on my Netflix difficult. I think I will eat a fish sandwich tomorrow from Popeyes and remember you at the bottom of the ocean, surrounded by colorful fishes and every manner or sea creature. 

 

Argus,

I only have one word for you "LIAR!"  I already took a shower today and now you have me dripping in sarcasm.  HOW DARE YOU! LOL +1.

Even though it was not I that you sunk, I enjoyed your post very much.

C130 signing out

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