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ReddNekk

So true...

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Three Lieutenants were trying to cross a rough river in a storm. God appeared before them, granting them one request each. The first LT said "God, grant me the strength needed to cross this river." God gave him the muscle mass and endurance necessary; he swam across the river, reaching the other side in fifteen minutes and almost drowning thrice.

The second LT said "God, grant me the means needed to cross this river." God gave him a kayak and paddle; he paddled across, reaching the other side in ten minutes and almost drowning once.

The last LT said "God, grant me the intelligence needed to cross this river." God made him a Sergeant; he pulled out his map, realized there was a bridge just a few hundred yards upriver, and reached the other side in five minutes.
 
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It is said that First Leutenants are the most miserable.  Second Leutenants don't know they are making a mistake so don't worry and Captains know how not to make that mistake. But First Leutenants know just enough to know they are screwing up but not enough not to.

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3 Generals and an Admiral are sitting in the O Club at Los Alamitos JFTB. Theyre trying to prove which branch has the bravest men. The Marine General says, We got the bravest. Prove it, say the others. So they hop up to 29 Palms & head out to the range. The Marine General walks up to a Lance Corporal & says, Marine, charge that machine gun! Aye, aye sir! comes the reply. When the lcpl follows his orders, hes immediately turned to swiss cheese. The Marine General looks back & says, That takes bravery. [edited], say the others. The Army General says,We got the bravest. Prove it. So they hop up to Ft Irwin NTC & head for a motor pool. There they find a soldier ground guiding M1A2s out. The Army General walks up to the soldier & says, Stop that tank. Yes, sir! comes the reply. The soldier runs up in front of the tank & is quickly turned into a meat waffle by the tracks. Now, THAT takes bravery! says The Army General. [edited], hes told. The Air Force General says, We got the bravest. And I CAN prove it! So they hop down to March AFB & head out to the flight line. Theres an F-15 taxing toward the runway. The Air Force General walks up to a young airman & says, Stop that plane. Will do, sir, comes the reply. So the airman runs out to the runway in front of the plane , gets sucked-up into the intake, and is promptly spewed out of the exhaust as fish food. THATS bravery! says the Air Force General. The Admiral just starts laughing. Navy men are the REAL bravest! Follow me, says the Admiral. So they hop down to San Diego Naval Base & head for a pier with a carrier moored to it. As they walk down the pier, the Admiral spots a pitiful excuse for a sailor, sitting on a fuel can, smoking a cigarette. His Dungarees look like they were pulled out of the refuse. His Boondockers look like they were shined with a hot Hershey bar. He has no cover on. And it appears that his razor ran away from home. The Admiral walks up to the sailor & says, Go change all the lights on the island structure. The sailor notices that the ship is rocking back & forth in the current. He looks at the Admiral & says, SCREW YOU! The Admiral looks back at the Generals & says, Now, THAT takes bravery!

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A Marine Gunnery Sergeant was called to the officers mess one day. Sitting at a table with 3 officers he proceeded to advise them that he could tell their backgrounds without them ever speaking.  He looked at the Captain and said "I see your drinking black coffee, you could use a shave and you sit where you can see the door so your a mustang / former NCO.  He then looked at the 1st Lt. and said "your clean cut, drinking coffee with cream and sugar and have good manners so your probably upper middle class with college and ROTC."  He then looked at the 2nd Lt. and stated " Your an Annapolis grad."      The first 2 officers nodded approvingly that the gunny was indeed correct, the 2nd Lt. asked "How on earth could you tell I was an Annapolis grad?  Does the superior academic training and education show that much?"     The gunny replied "NO, I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose." 

Edited by ReddNekk
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3 people chatting alone in a forum until this post...

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THE Marine Corps Version of Genesis 1

 

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God.

In the beginning was God, and all else was darkness and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the Earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God divided between the land and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures.

And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors. And He dressed them accordingly. They had little trousers that looked like bells at the bottom. And their shirts had cute little flaps on them to hide the hickeys on their necks. He also gave them long sideburns and shabby looking beards. God nicknamed them "squids" and banished them to a lifetime at sea, so that normal folks would not have to associate with them. To further identify these unloved creatures, He called them "petty" and "commodore" instead of titles worthy of red-blooded men.

And the flaky creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor that only He could have, God made their trousers too short and their covers too large. He also made their pockets over-sized, so that they may warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities that only a dime store owner could appreciate. And He gave them emblems and crests... and all sorts of shiny things that glittered...and devices that dangled. (When you are God you tend to get carried away.)

On the 6th day, He thought about creating some air creatures for which he designed a Greyhound bus driver's uniform, especially for Air Force fly boys. But He discarded the idea during the first week, and it was not until years later that some apostles resurrected this theme and established what we now know as the "Wild-Blue-Yonder Wonders."

And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested.

But on the 8th day, at 0730, God looked down upon the earth and was not happy. NO, GOD WAS NOT HAPPY! So He thought about His labors, and in His divine wisdom God created a divine creature. And this He called Marine. And these Marines, who God had created in His own image, were to be of the air, and of the land, and of the sea. And these He gave many wonderful uniforms. Some were green; some were blue with red trim. And in the early days, some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training. And He gave them evening and dress uniforms... sharp and stylish, handsome things... so that they might promenade with their ladies on Saturday night and impress the hell out of everybody! He even gave them swords, so that people who were not impressed could be dealt with accordingly. And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the earth and saw that it was good. But was God happy? NO! GOD WAS STILL NOT HAPPY! Because in the course of His labors, He had forgotten one thing: He did not have a Marine uniform for himself. He thought about it, and thought about it, and finally God satisfied Himself in knowing that, well............not everybody can be a Marine! Semper Fi!

Edited by LieutenantJebStewart
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