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kiwi1960

So unwell, 3rd day running.

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I suspect its the cancer treatment side effects, but this is the 3rd day running I have felt really totally unwell.

Its why some of my posts MIGHT seem nicer than usual... :Smile_trollface: and others a lot worse...

And its strange the things you think of when you feel like you're dying...

It dawned on me that as soon as 0.8.0 drops, my wife will need her computer upgraded to 64 bit so she can continue to play WoWs, not that she has had time lately! "The_Wife" is being over worked because her services as a caregiver are sorely in demand...

Anyhow, I also suspect its affecting my desire to play the game, as in, I don't feel like playing... but I want the steel dammit... :(

Anyhow... just letting you all know that if I seem nicer, enjoy it while it lasts... if I seem worse, then its the feeling of being unwell....

this is NOT the same as its always been... the cancer treatment and its side effects have always made me cranky... this is... worse... sort of.

So, just letting you all know why some posts have me being super nice and others ... errr, less so.

(even this post is strange... ) Yeah, true... I hijacked a thread last night, felt so guilty that I woke up 90 minutes later, turned the computer on, went into the thread and removed my post, but it had already been quoted so I said sorry for being so rude... its bad manners to hijack a thread... strange... no one EVER says sorry for doing that!!!! An indication of just how I'm feeling right now.

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May the Lord help heal you fast.

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1 hour ago, kiwi1960 said:

I suspect its the cancer treatment side effects, but this is the 3rd day running I have felt really totally unwell.

Its why some of my posts MIGHT seem nicer than usual... :Smile_trollface: and others a lot worse...

And its strange the things you think of when you feel like you're dying...

It dawned on me that as soon as 0.8.0 drops, my wife will need her computer upgraded to 64 bit so she can continue to play WoWs, not that she has had time lately! "The_Wife" is being over worked because her services as a caregiver are sorely in demand...

Anyhow, I also suspect its affecting my desire to play the game, as in, I don't feel like playing... but I want the steel dammit... :(

Anyhow... just letting you all know that if I seem nicer, enjoy it while it lasts... if I seem worse, then its the feeling of being unwell....

this is NOT the same as its always been... the cancer treatment and its side effects have always made me cranky... this is... worse... sort of.

So, just letting you all know why some posts have me being super nice and others ... errr, less so.

(even this post is strange... ) Yeah, true... I hijacked a thread last night, felt so guilty that I woke up 90 minutes later, turned the computer on, went into the thread and removed my post, but it had already been quoted so I said sorry for being so rude... its bad manners to hijack a thread... strange... no one EVER says sorry for doing that!!!! An indication of just how I'm feeling right now.

I went through 12 treatments of chemo at the age I should have been drinking and partying.  I know the stages.  If you ever wanna talk hit me up man

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7 minutes ago, Rickjoshi1765 said:

I went through 12 treatments of chemo at the age I should have been drinking and partying.  I know the stages.  If you ever wanna talk hit me up man

Thanks, I'll do that, right now, I'll say no, but I have no real idea just how bad it will get so I might take you up on your offer at a later date.

BTW, my treatment isn't real "Chemo" ... I'm on a new generation treatment that works on the Genetic level.

That is a whole other ball game, to some degree, for example, my finger and toe nails are starting to suffer, they split if I bang them too hard by accident, say on a door... and my skin is also getting thinner... pimples... they join up to create what appears to look like a cat scratched me... and injuries take a lot longer to heal... a "cat scratch" on my lip turned into a split (so it looked like someone hit me) took over 4 months to heal....

 

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17 minutes ago, kiwi1960 said:

Thanks, I'll do that, right now, I'll say no, but I have no real idea just how bad it will get so I might take you up on your offer at a later date.

BTW, my treatment isn't real "Chemo" ... I'm on a new generation treatment that works on the Genetic level.

That is a whole other ball game, to some degree, for example, my finger and toe nails are starting to suffer, they split if I bang them too hard by accident, say on a door... and my skin is also getting thinner... pimples... they join up to create what appears to look like a cat scratched me... and injuries take a lot longer to heal... a "cat scratch" on my lip turned into a split (so it looked like someone hit me) took over 4 months to heal....

 

The treatment isn't whats gonna be the issue.  It's the mental stages of thinking its nothing, fear of dying,and then anger.  Chemo sucked.  Everything tasted like metal and I was just sick.  Never expierenced that treatment but as usual they all put the patient through crapso its not too much different.  Hit me up when you hit next stage man.  Right now you still good.  Ill be here

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59 minutes ago, Rickjoshi1765 said:

The treatment isn't whats gonna be the issue.  It's the mental stages of thinking its nothing, fear of dying,and then anger.  Chemo sucked.  Everything tasted like metal and I was just sick.  Never expierenced that treatment but as usual they all put the patient through crapso its not too much different.  Hit me up when you hit next stage man.  Right now you still good.  Ill be here

Oh, yes, well... let me put it this way...

"My wife is Dutch... NOTHING scares me anymore!"

To tell you the truth, my life has been such a battle, that .5 seconds after I was told, I accepted that fact and that I could possibly die very soon because I was told it was "Terminal"... I'm a realist, always have been, over the years I have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, had a heart attack... diabetes... insomnia... two bad knees and two bad hips...

THIS cancer diagnosis is just par for the course... and as such, having dealt with pain most of my life, well, what is pain? To a "normal" person, what I suffer in pain each day would make them hope they never have it as bad as me.... but then, to me, the pain is something I *have* to live with... so what is the point crying or getting angry about it?

It what I told my son when I was diagnosed with the MS... "I feel like I've won the lottery, because I have the MS, and NOT YOU... someone up there decided to let me endure the pain because I'm used to it... you aren't.... so, be happy."

And that is how I see the pain... while it might make me cranky and do funny things at times... its NOT because I don't accept the pain because its "unfair"... its because I have no control over some things...

Does dying scare me, no, why should it? No one lives for ever... however, on February 10th, 2011, I married my wife (2nd time for me, 3rd for her) and I had to promise to let here die first of natural causes... she has already buried two husbands and not wanting to do it a third... SO, cancer diagnosis... the only thing I felt bad about was not being able to keep my promise to her, so, but mutual consent, the "promise" was adapted to "15 more years, and we both fight the cancer tooth and nail till those 15 years have elapsed! In three months we are moving to Holland from new Zealand, that is exactly on the other side of the planet... 1pm becomes 1am... a day behind... (NZ is the first nation to see the new day!)

We are doing that because I was born there but have lived in NZ for 57 or my 58 years. I want to see my homeland before I die but also... they have 3 dedicated cancer hospitals there... New Zealand has none... only cancer wards attached to the hospitals. The pill I am on is funded here but its no good when (not if, but WHEN) my body works up an immunity to it and stops working... Holland funds the 2nd generation cancer pill AND the one after that, the 3rd generation pill.

So the idea is to get back "home" before the pill stops working.

I happily made that deal with my wife because in the years we have been together... we have NEVER had a rip roaring fight... or argument... sure, disagreements, plenty, but they were discussed and compromises made on both sides if needed... and we do that because we love each other.

That is why I hate when people troll me for having an opinion... why not disagree with me and move on, state your opinion...live and let live... arguments start when one or both sides refuse to budge. Its now most wars start.

Yeah, sorry for the long post... just thought you deserved a good answer as to why I am not "normal" when it comes to cancer.... if I got angry, or started to cry, that is not going to change anything but will just waste what time I have left. I accept that this is life... lets live what is left of it.

And as I said, I really appreciate the offer.

Edited by kiwi1960

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