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Doombeagle

Public Safety Announcement

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The Surgeon General has issued a warning that premium battleships are dangerous to one's health and fatal to performance in ranked battles. The purchase and use of premium battleships has been shown to cause cranio-rectal inversion syndrome (CRIS).

The onset of CRIS is marked by severe brain damage, resulting in the complete loss of reasoning ability, and the total detachment from reality. CRIS sufferers will exhibit moronic behavior such as turning broadside in a Tirpitz to launch 6km torpedoes at targets on a diverging course 9km distant, subsequently taking tens of thousands of point of citadel damage and dying pointlessly. CRIS victims frequently succumb to the delusion that ships such as Massachussetts and Alabama, with short hulls, comparatively tight turning radii, and less than optimal dispersion values give their best performance at a range exceeding that of their main battery armament. The later stages of degeneration lead to the inability to count and thus see that when one is behind on points it would be much more advantageous to take the vacant cap rather than vainly attempt to chase down a 37 knot destroyer in a 30 knot battleship. Similarly, CRIS compels its victims to continue firing in the final moments of a match when simply ceasing fire, and disappearing from detection would preserve their ship and guarantee victory.

Please note, there is no effective treatment or cure for CRIS, leaving prevention as the only viable measure. Please help combat this public health menace. Use only tech tree ships which you have ground to the appropriate tier. Shortcuts will lead only to uncontrolled drooling and the flinging of feces in the end. Do not let this happen to you, or your team.

 

  • Cool 3
  • Funny 13
  • Boring 2

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I was fortunate to just play 2 battles at tier 8 to pass that level.

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There are only 2 premiums at tier 10.

Edited by Sovereigndawg

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4 minutes ago, Sovereigndawg said:

There is only 1 premium at tier 10.

I count 2. Salem and Stalingrad 

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Just now, Mik6669 said:

I count 2. Salem and Stalingrad 

You are right for some reason I was thinking Salem was tier 9 even though I knew it wasn't.

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If premium battleships are harmful then I'm freaking dead

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1 hour ago, Doombeagle said:

The Surgeon General has issued a warning that premium battleships are dangerous to one's health and fatal to performance in ranked battles. The purchase and use of premium battleships has been shown to cause cranio-rectal inversion syndrome (CRIS).

The onset of CRIS is marked by severe brain damage, resulting in the complete loss of reasoning ability, and the total detachment from reality. CRIS sufferers will exhibit moronic behavior such as turning broadside in a Tirpitz to launch 6km torpedoes at targets on a diverging course 9km distant, subsequently taking tens of thousands of point of citadel damage and dying pointlessly. CRIS victims frequently succumb to the delusion that ships such as Massachussetts and Alabama, with short hulls, comparatively tight turning radii, and less than optimal dispersion values give their best performance at a range exceeding that of their main battery armament. The later stages of degeneration lead to the inability to count and thus see that when one is behind on points it would be much more advantageous to take the vacant cap rather than vainly attempt to chase down a 37 knot destroyer in a 30 knot battleship. Similarly, CRIS compels its victims to continue firing in the final moments of a match when simply ceasing fire, and disappearing from detection would preserve their ship and guarantee victory.

Please note, there is no effective treatment or cure for CRIS, leaving prevention as the only viable measure. Please help combat this public health menace. Use only tech tree ships which you have ground to the appropriate tier. Shortcuts will lead only to uncontrolled drooling and the flinging of feces in the end. Do not let this happen to you, or your team.

 

That was great very well thought out and written …….funny +1 to you .

Unfortunately I may be showing the early signs of (CRIS) .

Edited by clammboy

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1 hour ago, Doombeagle said:

Shortcuts will lead only to uncontrolled drooling and the flinging of feces in the end.

Priceless...  thanks for putting a smile on my face!

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Hey Doom, thanks for the warning +1.  I have a couple of those "not to be named" from Santa Crates but I try to stay away from them.  Do you think wearing a string of garlic would help one resist the urge to hit battle on one of those? 

 

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Ok, if I can't bring my Alabama to Ranked, guess I'll have to bring my Hipper. .......... :cap_hmm:

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What is the illness that DDs suffer from? You know the one that causes them to rush into caps and get deleted, or never going into the cap and electing to play torp nothing on the other side of the map away from there team. How about the ones that continue to bring the haragumo/Khab into ranked leaving the team with another stealthy DD. 

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