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Snargfargle

Sometimes it's hard to write a story for a forum.

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<Censored> was riding through the forest one day upon his favorite <censored>. His main purpose was to collect some <censored> for the homefire but he'd brought along his musket just in case he needed it. Behind him rode his faithful <censored> cat, Fluffy. "Look, Fluffy," <Censored> said, "up in the tree.” “I bet that you'd like to chow down on those <censored>." Fluffy didn't answer because he was grumpy. He was grumpy because <Censored> had made him carry the ammo for the musket and the <censored> was weighing him down.

"Quick, Fluffy!" <Censored> exclaimed, "Come here! I see a wild <censored> and need the <censored> to load my musket." The <censored> cat was more than happy to relinquish the <censored>. Quickly <Censored> loaded and pulled back the <censored> of his musket. However, at that very moment, a <censored> stuck its head from a hole in a nearby dead tree, spotted him, and sounded the alarm. "You blasted <censored>," <Censored> said when the <censored> ran away, "if you want to be like that you can replace him in the cookpot.”

Not wanting to waste precious ammo, <Censored> grabbed a gnarly stick and gave it a <censored>, tearing it from the tree. He then threw it at the the <censored>, hitting it with the <censored> end and cleanly dispatching it. Skinning a <censored> was not difficult and <Censored> made quick work of it. The hardest part was removing the <censored> glands lest they taint the meat. <Censored> then returned to the cabin, only to find the door ajar. "Well, that's a bit <censored>," <Censored> said. "I could have sworn I gave that door a good <censored> to knock it shut on my way out." "Oh, well, guess I didn't."

<Censored> then stood his musket in the corner, resting it carefully on its <censored> as it was still loaded. However, safety-conscious, he did lower the <censored> first. He also made sure that the <censored>, which covered the oil can receptacle, was firmly tapped in. He then hung up the <censored> carcass and reached for his <censored>, a newly-invented tool that would make quick work of removing bones and preparing the <censored> for dinner. It was <censored> work but he quickly cleaned up and soon had a pot of <censored> stew simmering. While waiting for the <censored> to cook, <Censored> got out his <censored> file and used it to remove a burr from the <censored>. "There," <Censored> thought, "good as new."

<Censored> lit himself a <censored> and leaned back in his chair. He then remembered that he'd never collected any <censored>, which was why he went on his sojourn to begin with. "Oh well," <Censored> thought, I've enough <censored> to last the night and I'll collect a double load tomorrow. <Censored> then looked out the window, just in time to see a riverboat pass by. Standing on the <censored> deck was someone he hadn't seen in a "censored" age. However, before he could cry out, the riverboat went around a bend and vanished. "Rats," <censored> then thought, "I forgot to put the <censored> in the barn." He ran out and quickly completed the chore, giving his <censored> an extra ration of grain for its troubles. When he came back in the <censored> stew was ready. "Ah, life is good," <Censored> thought as he sat down to supper. However, he then felt a little <censored> and had to get up and close the curtains, lest more mosquitoes get in.

The next day <Censored> would venture out, slay the wild <censored>, and <censor> its meat. The dried flesh would be enough to tide him over for nearly the entire winter. The weather was turning cold though so he'd have to bring a <censored> to warm his hands. He picked up the <censored> and gave it a toss; it landed perfectly in its place on the hat rack for <Censored> was quite the <censored>. In fact, he'd been voted best <censored> at the dockworker job he'd taken for a short time last year. The foreman himself had said that <Censored> had shown a lot of <censored> in throwing those grain sacks out of the hold of the riverboat and onto the dock.

Edited by Snargfargle

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