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Yuri's Night

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Beta Testers, In AlfaTesters
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Poyekhali! No, this isn't about THAT Yuri, get your mind outta the gutter!
I'm a night late but that's cause I spent all of yesterday working on a thing, but anyway~ Lemme tell you a story;
It's Mid-April of 1961, and a man is being driven through the Kazak desert. As he steps off the bus, a buncha guys are there to greet him and send him off on his journey, but this isn't your ordinary trip to the big city to make a new life for yourself at a glorious new tractor factory! This is Yuri mother****ing Gagarin! And he's standing at the foot of a Vostok-K rocket! The plan? Go up, come down, don't die, be hero!


(Look at that face, that's the look of a man that is daring the universe to stop him from doing the thing.)

So he gets on the elevator to the top of the rocket (required to heft this madman's....errr....manhood), and he gets strapped in.    Korolev, by this time having finished his 28th bottle of vodka, calls up to Yuri and says some crazed gibberish about Siberian pine trees and hits the shiny button. Gagarin shouts "Poyekhali!", which, roughly translated, means "Yolo!" and he disappears into the afternoon sky. The man regularly chats with his comrades on the ground as he floats along in is metal meatball and eventually drifts around the back-side of the world, where he probably mooned the Americans as he flew over.


(Vostok 1, which I assume means "1 Scoop of Vanilla")

A little over an hour and a half later he comes falling outta the sky south of some Russian town called "Capatob" or something and scares the hell outta a farmer and her daughter who are all like "GAH! BLYAT! SPACEMAN!!!" and Yuri is all like "Nah, chill fam! I'm a Russian! Hey you got a phone? I gotta call my peeps in Moscow"
And so that's how Yuri Gagarin battled aliens and saved the world~!

If you wanna watch a recreation of the flight with original audio, watch this~!

If you wanna watch a bit more of a Hollywood-esqe telling of the tale, watch this~!


  • Cool 6

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Alpha Tester
5,273 posts
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This documentary (?) seems to be a rare pearl. Thanks for bringing it to our attention Chob. 

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Excellent post. I really hope he mooned us. That would make it the night of the two moons. 

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So be honest, I like this documentary about the launch a bit better.  Obviously less detailed, but it correctly portrays Yuri's launch as a desperate, nerve wracking gamble, saving the wondrous music for when Yuri completes his journey.  Also it's in English.  It's only with the benefit of hindsight that we know Yuri will make it back.


Edited by Sventex

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