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Battleship_Kaga

Good Christ I wish I was dead

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I've been internet dating since my marriage fell apart, and it hasn't been going particularly well. Although I am well-educated and have written a number of books, I am impoverished. Matters are not helped by the fact that I live in Maine, a place my family refers to as "West Virginia with a coast" (which should speak for itself. Suffice it to say, the closest major city is several hours away in Boston, and Maine itself is pretty desolate and underpopulated). I'm also... not pretty. Not horrifying, but slightly overweight and balding. I mean, I guess I look like your average 30-something non-athletic dude, but I'm not going to be winning any hearts with shirtless bathroom selfies. 

So I've been doing the whole Match/eHarmony/PoF, etc. thing for the past year and it has resulted in... one date (the ratios of men to women on these sites are apparently like 3-to-1, so odds do not favor non-Prince Charming types). And tonight, after a good week of exchanging really long emails, myself and a girl from the midwest finally spoke on the phone... and it was a disaster. I hate to sound superficial, but you ever talk with a person and the moment they start speaking, you know it's not a good fit? I cannot describe it accurately, but you listen to them and immediately realize "oh, geez, this guy/girl seems very nice, but get me out of here." Well, unfortunately, that's the card I drew - very nice, get along fine via email, not the right fit.

And it's like my whole life is like that. I've been just desperate to escape to the West Coast for months, and all I experience is false starts. A few months ago, a Library in Bakersfield interviewed me - it was pretty clear right away that I wasn't what they were looking for, but we had to go through the motions of the interview regardless. Then, I had a much better phone interview in Oxnard, CA, who then turned around and demanded that they speak to my work (despite me specifically stating [like any sane person would] that I didn't want them to call my current employer... because who the hell wants their job to know that they're looking to leave?). Well, assuming that that was the last great hurdle to getting the position, I reluctantly acquiesced and... nothing. Kaput. Not even a rejection letter.

So, here I am, about to turn 36 and rotting in my parents' house. I am underemployed (and now get to face the daily threat of being terminated since they know I am looking to leave and the place is already in financial straights [so, logically, if you were looking to cut staff, the disloyal guy would be the first to go]), with virtually no discretionary income, completely alone, spending my weekends either sleeping most of the day or solo-grinding WoWs and trying to forget myself.

It's honestly reaching the point where I wish I'd have a fatal car accident or mistakenly walk in front of a speeding train. I understand and appreciate that I am suffering through largely "first world problems," and things could certainly be worse (I could be struggling to find food or clean water, or living in a box somewhere), but, Goddamnit, in the context of our society, being alone with enormous debt and low prospects are big problems.

Edited by Battlecruiser_Lutzow

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Move to another country. 

Native English speakers (especially white American males) can easily get jobs in other countries teaching English (even without experience). Won't get rich, but you can make decent money and even save thanks to the potentially low cost of living. Plus a change of location can work miracles on your mental an physical health, (not to mention that it will help you meet some ladies).

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49 minutes ago, Battlecruiser_Lutzow said:

I've been internet dating since my marriage fell apart, and it hasn't been going particularly well. Although I am well-educated and have written a number of books, I am impoverished. Matters are not helped by the fact that I live in Maine, a place my family refers to as "West Virginia with a coast" (which should speak for itself. Suffice it to say, the closest major city is several hours away in Boston, and Maine itself is pretty desolate and underpopulated). I'm also... not pretty. Not horrifying, but slightly overweight and balding. I mean, I guess I look like your average 30-something non-athletic dude, but I'm not going to be winning any hearts with shirtless bathroom selfies. 

As a Maine native I can symapthize.  WV with a coast....pretty funny and true about so many small rural towns.  Half of rural Maine is a run down trailer park.  That said gotta be decent job prospects in the Portland area.  I’ve spent some time on the west coast and I’ll bet u will find yourself missing Maine after a short while unless you hate trees, snow and no traffic

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12 minutes ago, missile742 said:

As a Maine native I can symapthize.  WV with a coast....pretty funny and true about so many small rural towns.  Half of rural Maine is a run down trailer park.  That said gotta be decent job prospects in the Portland area.  I’ve spent some time on the west coast and I’ll bet u will find yourself missing Maine after a short while unless you hate trees, snow and no traffic

Part of the problem is I am not originally from here. My dad was in the Navy when I was growing up, so I don't really have a place to call home anywhere (so even though my parents are New Englanders, and I root for the sports teams, it just doesn't feel like home). I felt like the West Coast was more my speed - I loved the palm trees and the beaches and the volcanoes... just so different from the east.

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It sounds like you have the greatest opportunity right now to tackle and take down the biggest obstacle to your mobility and desirability. You are alone and under another's roof, so tackle the debt issue. Make IT your main grind; destroy it week by week until your sea is clear. Why add a relationship you could probably not afford? Kill the debt, then move/maneuver and be a catch someone would desire. Being in control of your destiny should appeal to the right person. Anyone attracted by shirtless selfies is simply another anchor.

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I'm sorry that you're going through this. I agree, tackling your debt would be the first step. Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He has a great method of paying down debt, and I've known a lot of people who have had great success at following his baby steps program. I sincerely hope that your situation improves and please don't give up. It will get better. 

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Do what I did - take up cycling.  It will get you fit and there are some very interesting people out there.  Of course, you may be too far from civilization for group rides (a bunch of drinkers with a cycling problem) but check around.  You might be surprised.

 

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I got fired after 20+ years with the same company.  They found someone who could do my job but pay $10,000/year less. That was a great way to make me feel worthless... never mind the 3 college degrees. At 50-something, you can guess how many companies wanted me.

Despite the fact that I suffered horrible tortures for many years (age 17+) and it effected my sense of self worth, for some reason, I haven't blown my brains out. I understand it's as easy as making the decision.

Did I forget to mention... a gal I fell for took me to the cleaners too? I got out with $16,000 in debt.  That's not bad compared to some people I've spoken to.

Why am I still alive? Can't say.  Don"t know. Just messed up I guess.

Hang in there. To hell with the people who judge you.

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Thanks for reaching out you guys.  But I'm only suffering minor PTDD.  It's gets better after 5 - 7 years.  It used to be REAL bad.

The night mares will never go away.

I have a new job and have been promoted twice in a year.  It's nice to have people show confidence in me.  

 

For those of you who struggling... Don't let your emotions rule you.  It supposed to be the other way around.

 

Relax and sink some ships.  

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Glad to hear things are going well for you, Guiness77. Keep fighting the good fight and take it one day at a time.

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On ‎2‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 1:28 AM, Battlecruiser_Lutzow said:

It's honestly reaching the point where I wish I'd have a fatal car accident or mistakenly walk in front of a speeding train. I understand and appreciate that I am suffering through largely "first world problems," and things could certainly be worse (I could be struggling to find food or clean water, or living in a box somewhere), but, Goddamnit, in the context of our society, being alone with enormous debt and low prospects are big problems

I do not know you from a bar of soap. Don't even think about it Buddy. I have terminal cancer, since last year, I am still OCONUS (I have, according to the 'experts' two years left, bearing in mind an 'ex/spurt' is merely a drip under pressure). I/We, meaning my Buddies and myself joke about the fact that I had to have my 'Nuts' naped and snaked otherwise I would die. The cancer has not gone, yeah sure it is painful at times (like REAL ouch). But I can still play (limited) WoW's.

DO NOT give up. Pse live with it and laugh at it. PLEASE!.

BD

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