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Brhinosaurus

Cpt_Mayhem_1 : My Team :: Wood Chipper : Small Assorted branches and brush

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Never before have I seen such ineptitude punished so efficiently by one ship.  Gather 'round and hear the tale of Captain Underscore Mayhem Underscore One, captain of the highest caliber.

 

The battle had started well, with various enemy destroyers and cruisers overextending and playing the price.  With a significant numerical advantage, the green team pressed on the enemy base.  And that's when things went wrong.

First to fall was myself.  With a squadron of green ships sweeping around the flank, I thought I would be safe to point my nose at the Gneiseau and commence some long range shelling.  I was wrong.  Mayhem fired one volley into my nose, earning four hits and relieving me of my remaining 16,183 hit points.  Your narrator may be biased but I believe I was the only one whose death can be attributed more to enemy skill than to foolishness.  The one positive aspect of my premature demise was that it gave me the opportunity to observe the rest of the carnage that was to unfold.

Our Fubuki had just slipped into the red base, but as the Gneisenau was drawing close he was forced to deploy smoke and launch torpedoes.  From a range of approximately 5 km, the Fubuki missed with all three launchers, failing to correct for the Gneisenau's slight turn to port.  Fubuki reloaded and was beginning to launch the second volley (which would also miss) when Gneisenau's own torpedoes, fired blindly into Fubuki's smoke, arrived.  They were off target however, with only one torpedo threatening to clip Fubuki's nose.  A tiny application of reverse engines would have been sufficient to avoid the volley, but for reasons that escape me, Fubuki declined the opportunity to avoid destruction, and became the second ship destroyed.

Now at last our squadron had cleared an island and Mayhem was surrounded.  What I did not expect was that this was right where he wanted to be.  He turned his attention on our New York.  New York had full health to Gneis's half.  Perhaps he felt this was unsporting, because New York promptly turned broadside, allowing Mayhem to land a punishing broadside.  I felt at this point it would be prudent to remind the team that Gneis possessed torpedoes, lest others suffer Fubuki's fate.  However my warning fell on deaf ears (or blind eyes, I suppose), as New York continued to sail broadside, allowing Gneis to land hits with the starboard launchers, then swing around and finish New York off with the port launchers.  New York dropped from full health to dead in less than a minute, becoming the third ship to die.

The second ship of the flanking squadron was the cruiser Leander.  Upon contact he deployed smoke and came to a dead stop.  As Gneis drew closer Leander declined to fire on him, focusing on a more distant target.  By the time Gneis had finished New York, Leander was about 2 km away sitting dead stop in his smoke.  As Gneis began to rip apart Leander, Leander finally throttled up and fired his own torpedoes.  In spite of the minimal distance, these all missed, and Leander became the fourth ship to die.

The last surviving ship of the flanking squadron was the Texas.  Texas followed New York's example, turning broadside and sailing predictably.  Gneisenau's starboard torpedo launcher had reloaded and fired, and the same lesson taught to New York was applied to Texas, becoming the fifth and final ship to fall at Mayhem's hands.

By now Mayhem had less than 2,000 health and he would eventually be sunk by long range fire from our Kirov, but by then the damage was done.  Defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory as our numerical advantage turned to deficit of the course of a few minutes thanks to one ship.

So, @Cpt_Mayhem_1, Sir or Madam, my hat's off to you.  And to my teammates, you're all @#%$ing morons and I hope to never see you again.

 

 

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DETAIL BREAK DOWN PAGE, for pete's sake. Always post the damage details page. Don't be a @Lert and farms a Yamato for 10 min and get 100k damage. 

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(sends note to recruiter to ask him to join our clan).

Nice write up, and a nod to Adm. Mayhem (you got a promotion, sir!)

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2 hours ago, NeutralState said:

Don't be a @Lert and farms a Yamato for 10 min and get 100k damage. 

Wow. That's three times you've @ mentioned me while bringing that up. You've got a real hard-on for me, it seems. Can't get me out of your mind. Do you need me to send you a bodypillow with my likeness on it?

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1 hour ago, Lert said:

Wow. That's three times you've @ mentioned me while bringing that up. You've got a real hard-on for me, it seems. Can't get me out of your mind. Do you need me to send you a bodypillow with my likeness on it?

Is that offer open to everyone, or just him specifically? Asking for a friend. 

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8 minutes ago, Brhinosaurus said:

Is that offer open to everyone, or just him specifically? Asking for a friend. 

Have your friend contact my PR people.

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