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Snargfargle

The Brushwolf

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The setting is a local bar.

@HowitzerBlitzer : Ha ha, so then he falls in a bear trap...

@_Luna : That's so funny. Hey I'm gonna go to the bathroom I'll be right back okay?

HowitzerBlitzer: Okay, I'll be right here.

_Luna: You!

Enter @Kapitan_Wuff .

Kapitan_Wuff: Be this seat taken, my lad?

HowitzerBlitzer: Actually um...

Kapitan_Wuff: What be yer poison there?

HowitzerBlitzer: Raspberry chocolate vodka with mint...

Kapitan_Wuff: Two whiskeys! Sit still me boy for I'm going to tell you a story that may very well save your life.

HowitzerBlitzer: Well, actually I've got a...

Kapitan_Wuff: So there I was...

The scene changes to the deck of a ship.

Kapitan_Wuff: Onward, men, we can't turn back now!

@CaptainTeddybear : Captain, we can't go further! The sea is a furious mistress tonight! I'm begging you, captain, turn us around, stop this madness!

Kapitan_Wuff: Never! I will not give up. I will not rest, not until we find the @BrushWolf .

The scene reverts back to the bar.

HowitzerBlitzer: Wait, what? A butt shark?

Kapitan_Wuff: Narg, not a "butt shark," a BrushWolf, harf brush and harf wolf! 'Tis the terror of the deep!

HowitzerBlitzer: There's no such thing as a BrushWolf.

Kapitan_Wuff: Arg, you wern't there, boy. You didn't see the cruelty of the sea, you didn't witness the hellish beasts which emerge from her dark blue belly.

The scene returns to the ship.

Kapitan_Wuff: We hunted the Brushwolf for many months...

CaptainTeddybear: Captain! The men are starving, we have little water left. We must stop off and replenish our supplies.

Kapitan_Wuff: Nay, the last time we stopped all but a handful of me crew abandoned ship.

CaptainTeddybear: Well, that's because you're crazy, sir.

Kapitan_Wuff: Crazy? Is it crazy to hunt something as foul and tortured as the BrushWolf?

CaptainTeddybear: Yeah, but you're just kind of making it personal, man.

Kapitan_Wuff: 'Tis personal, the Brushwolf has has taken everything from me. It took me wife, it took me only son... and it took me butt!

The scene reverts to the bar.

HowitzerBlitzer: Are you serious?

Kapitan_Wuff: Serious as scurvy m'lad.

HowitzerBlitzer: It took your butt? OK, well, I've got to go...

Kapitan_Wuff: Sit back down, child, and be thankful that you can sit at all.

Kapitan_Wuff shows his butt, which has two wooden peg legs attached.

HowitzerBlitzer: Whoa, I was wondering why you were wearing rearless chaps.

Kapitan_Wuff: 'Tis because I am a rearless chap.

_Luna: Hey, I'm back!

HowitzerBlitzer: Shh! What happened next?

The scene changes back to the ship.

Kapitan_Wuff: Many weeks later our hunt was still fruitless, the men were growing weak but we pressed onward. I had but one mission, to kill the BrushWolf

CaptainTeddybear: You're, uh, narrating again there, captain.

Kapitan_Wuff: Aye, just practicing.

CaptainTeddybear: Look, it's the BrushWolf!

Kapitan_Wuff: Narg, 'tis but a @DerKrampus.

CaptainTeddybear: It's useless, captain, stop the search, it's destroying you. Half your crew is dead!

Kapitan_Wuff: Aye, perhaps it is time to... wait, there!

CaptainTeddybear: That's your first mate, he's dead too.

Kapitan_Wuff: I will avenge him by killing the BrushWolf.

The BrushWolf appears and takes a bite out of the first mate.

The scene changes back to the bar.

Kapitan_Wuff: I didn't witness that last part. 'Tis a literary device.

HowitzerBlitzer: You're such a good storyteller.

Kapitan_Wuff: Thanks. Then other stuff happened and the ship was going down.

The scene goes back to the ship, which is sinking in flames.

CaptainTeddybear: Captain, she's going down, sir. We must get to the dinghy, sir! @Fog_Repair_Ship_Akashi can't fix her, sir!

Kapitan_Wuff: What's the point? My life is without meaning or purpose, I have failed in my pursuit.

CaptainTeddybear: But we all had a really good time, right? I mean most of us died but at least the rest of us have a pretty neat story to tell.

Kapitan_Wuff: Aye, a story, I must warn others not to pursue their obsessions to the voyage of madness, lest it ruin them as I just ruined me.

The scene goes back to the bar.

Kapitan_Wuff: Pursue your dreams me lad but don't let them pursue you. For a dream can soon become a nightmare. I lost everything that night. I lost me ship, me crew, and me mind. Now I'm broken and penniless, with only myself to blame.

HowitzerBlitzer: Wow, well thank you for telling me your story. Wait, if you're penniless, how can afford these drinks?

Kaptain_Wuff: I can't!

Kaptain_Wuff giggles and runs from the bar, leaving HowitzerBlitzer to pick up the (considerable) tab.

HowitzerBlitzer: Oh, damn it!

Edited by Snargfargle
  • Funny 2

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Alpha Tester
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5 hours ago, Snargfargle said:

 

@Fog_Repair_Ship_Akashi can't fix her, sir!

Hey! I fix every ship after every battle in this game, there is no ship I can't fix!!

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1 hour ago, Fog_Repair_Ship_Akashi said:

Hey! I fix every ship after every battle in this game, there is no ship I can't fix!!

 

Trust me, you can't fix any Sonic ship, they're all trash.

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3 minutes ago, HowitzerBlitzer said:

 

Trust me, you can't fix any Sonic ship, they're all trash.

I repair Naval vessels, Fog ships, Kanmusu and the occasional Space Battleship. I don't fix anything else, too busy (but very profitable) with the current list.

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Nice and thanks for making me part of your literary efforts. I envy people like you that are able to put words down with such ease. :Smile_popcorn::cap_popcorn::popcorn::popcorn:

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1 hour ago, BrushWolf said:

Nice and thanks for making me part of your literary efforts. I envy people like you that are able to put words down with such ease. :Smile_popcorn::cap_popcorn::popcorn::popcorn:

Well, someone else wrote this (and did a good job, indeed). However the "Buttshark" series isn't available on Youtube, so I just presented the English transcript of an Italian bootleg video and threw in a few names from the forums.

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