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Taichunger

WOWs Bar Jokes

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A Conqueror walks into a bar and orders a drink. 
The bartender sets it down, and it immediately falls over. 
"Sorry about that," says the bartender, "but there's no hard counter for a Conqueror."

@LadyTorpida walks into a bar. Immediately scores  of males run toward her.
"Sorry about that," says the bartender, "but there's a lot of HE spam in this bar."

A man walks into a bar run by Tirpitz and orders a drink.
"Can I get some peanuts on the house to go with that?" The man asks.
"Nope," replies the bartender. "Tirpitz always charges."
 

A man walks into a bar.
"Isn't that a German dd captain in the back?" he asks.
The bartender nods. "Yep, you have excellent Gaedar."


A bunch of HE spamming North Carolinas enter a bar.
"How would you guys like jobs cleaning my bar?" asks the bartender.
"What? Why?" asks one. 
"You guys are great at scouring the edges."
 

A  Belfast enters a bar and orders a drink. 
The money is in the bartender's hand before he even asks for it.
 

An IJN BB walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"I see you are bearing gifts," observes the bartender.
"Yep," answers the BB, "I'm Amagi."
 

A group of German DDs enters the bar.
"I see you've come en Maass," observes the bartender.

 

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Awwwww, those were awful. Just awful. But in a funny way despite that.

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Let me try one:

 

Mikasa walks into a bar

"You look gloomy, they stuck you in port again" asks the bartender.

"Yep you guessed it" replies Mikasa

"Well at least you get to leave port sometimes, they won't even let me out at all" shouts HMCS Haida from the other end of the bar.

"Now give me another Bloody Caesar to help me forget" she grumbles at the barkeep

"Ouch, tough luck " says Mikasa

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An old beat-up South Carolina, that had seen better days, walked into into a bar. Unlike the more modern ships, with their newfangled radar and such, he was nearly blind. He made his way up to the bar, sat down, ordered a drink, then called out in a loud voice, "Anyone want to hear a dumb blond ship joke?"

The bartender says, "Listen old-timer, I realize that you are a relic from the past and half-blind to boot so I'm going to give you some advice. There's a beige-painted Yamato sitting to your left and a beige-painted Des Moines to your right. Sitting at the table next to the bar are a Gearing, a Montana, and a Hindenburg, all painted beige. I myself am a Hakuryu and am also painted beige, so are you really sure that you still want to tell a dumb blond ship joke?"


The old South Carolina though for a minute then said, "Well, not if I'm going to have to explain it six times."

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16 hours ago, Snargfargle said:

An old beat-up South Carolina, that had seen better days, walked into into a bar. Unlike the more modern ships, with their newfangled radar and such, he was nearly blind. He made his way up to the bar, sat down, ordered a drink, then called out in a loud voice, "Anyone want to hear a dumb blond ship joke?"

The bartender says, "Listen old-timer, I realize that you are a relic from the past and half-blind to boot so I'm going to give you some advice. There's a beige-painted Yamato sitting to your left and a beige-painted Des Moines to your right. Sitting at the table next to the bar are a Gearing, a Montana, and a Hindenburg, all painted beige. I myself am a Hakuryu and am also painted beige, so are you really sure that you still want to tell a dumb blond ship joke?"


The old South Carolina though for a minute then said, "Well, not if I'm going to have to explain it six times."

 

Hahaha. Revamped an oldie, I see. 

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Ooh, my turn.

A DD walks into a pub and orders a drink. He notices the pub is filled with CLs and DDs. He whispers to the bartender "Aren't there any BB's in tonight?" The bartender replies "Yeah, but they're hiding in the back".

A lonely traveler comes across a Spanish village and decides to stay the night. The only hotel looks a lot like an old Battleship. The walks in, and there's an old grizzled American behind the counter. He books a room, but has to ask. "Why does your hotel look like a battleship?" "Well", grumbles the old timer, "I wanted a nice quiet place to retire, a small house in a quiet town, but I misread the advert. I thought it said Mi casa, su casa, and now I own a Mikasa."

Man walks into a pub on Halloween. Instead of the expected skulls and skeletons, there's a large model warship on the shelf behind the bar. "That's not scary", he says to the barman. "Aw c'mon", says the barman. "It's a little Erie..."

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A Moskva  stumble upon a Shima when he leaves the pub. "Sorry, didn't had you on the radar"

Two DD come into a pub and order two shorts. "I see, so what you want to drink?"

 

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I'll re-use an old one.

 

Pensacola and Colorado get into a barfight. The fight was two hits long. Colorado hit Pensacola, Pensacola hit the seafloor.

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17 hours ago, HyperFish said:

Ooh, my turn.

A DD walks into a pub and orders a drink. He notices the pub is filled with CLs and DDs. He whispers to the bartender "Aren't there any BB's in tonight?" The bartender replies "Yeah, but they're hiding in the back"."

Excellent!

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(This one's a little dated, but, who knows, with the upcoming split and the downtiering, what is old may soon be new again.)

Three Pensacolas walk into a bar...ooh, wait, no they don't, because they've already been shot 35 ft. outside the bar's entrance.

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An older man (or woman) walks into a bar and sizes up the 22-year-old, WoWS-playing bartender.

"Son, I'm tired of these newfangled drinks.  A Chocolate Mudslide sounds to me like...well, we won't get into that.  Do you know how to make a classic Martini?"

"I think so, sir/ma'am.  Isn't it three parts gin, one part dry white vermouth, shake with ice, strain, and serve with an olive?"

"Very good, very good.  But suddenly I'm not in the mood.  Do you know how to make an Exploding Emerald?"

"Take it out of port?"

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