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Kevik70

Kevik's Genuinely Unhelpful Thread [with Genuine Humor]

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So a while back I made a thread with the intentions of being a genuine help to the community, where I to the best of my abilities answered any questions pertaining to WoWs that the community had. Contrary to that, this thread is going to be a genuinely unhelpful, in that you may ask me any questions and I will to the best of my ability respond with an absolutely useless answer. All in the name of good fun of course, so relax and have a good laugh at some of the questions and responses.

 

For Example:

Question: "Kevik, question for you: what is the best way to avoid torpedoes?"

Answer under Genuinely Helpful Thread: "Well there are many ways to successfully avoid torpedoes ranging form periodically adjusting course and speed to throw off dds aiming at you, bowing into oncoming torps through caps to avoid getting hit or at least minimizing the damage........."

Answer under Genuinely Unhelpful Thread: "Well there are many ways to successfully avoid torpedoes, predominantly you want to start by not letting them hit you. :Smile_playing:

 

Much like the last thread there are a few simple rules that should be followed, before we get carried away: 

1. Please follow all forum rules. (Unfortunately there is no getting around that, much to my displeasure)

2. All questions get hilariously troll responses, this isn't going to be a helpful thread whatsoever, the intent is humor after all.

3. Cats are off limits to trolling 

Spoiler

20171114_114321.thumb.jpg.0a1f3a731b41186a7c9b0755326dca35.jpg

Seriously look at that face, what kind of monster messes with cats.....

4.  I am still not offering protection from any of my fellow clan members, if you earn their ire you are  most certainly on your own.

5. I still have a life, so as much as I want to, I won't always be around to troll you.

6. Feel free to troll other people, the more humorous the response the better.

INF. And what ever other rules I can't think of now but I'm sure I'll regret not making later. 

 

Welp ask away. :Smile_honoring:

 

So not going to regret this.

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Well, first to reply to what (hopefully) will be a good thread as humor is not my forte.

 

Kevik, how I make my AA attack planes?

Kevik, how do I switch ammo types?

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6 minutes ago, Kevik70 said:

3. Cats are off limits to trolling

Damnit.

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1 minute ago, TugboatCommander said:

"What is the best way to avoid torpedoes?"

Drive tier 1.

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7 minutes ago, Battleship_MaineMk1 said:

I want to sail backward in Langley, what navigation technique should I use?

Tell your men to break out the oars and start paddling.

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10 minutes ago, Reymu said:

Well, first to reply to what (hopefully) will be a good thread as humor is not my forte.

 

Kevik, how I make my AA attack planes?

Kevik, how do I switch ammo types?

1. Press the F6 key as fast as you can and keep repeating.

2. Who needs to switch ammo types, using only one type makes logistics a piece of cake.

 

Hope that doesn't help. :Smile_honoring:

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Kevik, how do I explain to @panzerdeal61 that dedicating a Kongo and two DD's to hunt for the enemy CV at the start of battle is .... less than optimal thinking?  Or am I wrong here - is this in fact GENIUS, next level thinking that I am too slow to realize?

 

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5 minutes ago, TugboatCommander said:

"What is the best way to avoid torpedoes?"

Fire them and drive off in the opposite direction, hey ohhhh

Ask the enemy team politely to not fire them in your direction.

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19 minutes ago, Kevik70 said:

3. Cats are off limits to trolling 

 

zero fun.

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1 minute ago, BiggieD61 said:

Kevik, how do I explain to @panzerdeal61 that dedicating a Kongo and two DD's to hunt for the enemy CV at the start of battle is .... less than optimal thinking?  Or am I wrong here - is this in fact GENIUS, next level thinking that I am too slow to realize?

CV's are the most OP ship in the game, if your team is not dedicating at least 14 ships to hunting it down then you've practically already lost. The kongo's problem is that he didn't get enough people to help.

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11 minutes ago, Roadster311 said:

Kevik, how can I get more speed out out my Giulio Cesare?

Tell the crew to stop eating so much spaghetti, its fattening and adds unnecessary weight to the ship.

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22 minutes ago, iDuckman said:

Kevik, how do I git gud?

 

 

We want cats!

By gitting gud.

 

yawning-laughing-kitten-zina-abdullatif-deniz-git-gud.jpg.af52cba2deb9244ead3ca18026ecca39.jpg

Not my cat, but still cute.

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HA !!  Tautology!  Completely not helpful.

 

 

That kitty looks about as dangerous as some of my warships recently.

 

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41 minutes ago, Battleship_MaineMk1 said:

I want to sail backward in Langley, what navigation technique should I use?

SAD

Edited by Snargfargle

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1 minute ago, Snargfargle said:

S

Shhh, that's actually helpful, now off to the corner of the room for you. :Smile-_tongue:

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45 minutes ago, Kevik70 said:

Question: "Kevik, question for you: what is the best way to avoid torpedoes?"

 

Kevik, what is the best way to avoid torpedoes?  I've tried waiting until they're just about to hit me before giving them a full broadside with my guns, but despite the water splashes it appears to have no effect.  Is there a way to increase the pen of my shells under water?

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2 minutes ago, UltimateNewbie said:

 

Kevik, what is the best way to avoid torpedoes?  I've tried waiting until they're just about to hit me before giving them a full broadside with my guns, but despite the water splashes it appears to have no effect.

Best way to avoid torps is to sail your ship onto an island, since torps can only go underwater you become completely safe from them. Added bonus is that your ship is now impossible to sink.

 

2 minutes ago, UltimateNewbie said:

 

Is there a way to increase the pen of my shells under water?

Have Moses ride in one of the small boats that all ships come equipped with, that way he can part the water as your shells come in.

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Just now, Kevik70 said:

Best way to avoid torps is to sail your ship onto an island, since torps can only go underwater you become completely safe from them. Added bonus is that your ship is now impossible to sink.

 

Have Moses ride in one of the small boats that all ships come equipped with, that way he can part the water as your shells come in.

 

I shall implement your sage wisdom immediately!

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Kevik, I think you would be all for exploding Krakatoa-type volcanic islands, visibility reduced to 2 km, seas full of floating pumice, and chunks of molten rock plunging like 20 inch shells penning ships and causing fires, but do you think adding ship-flipping rogue waves would push things too far?

Signed,

Lusting After Visual Animation

Edited by Stauffenberg44

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I had to laugh at your example answer. That was good.

 

So, how does a ship fly? Because I saw an Enterprise fly a week ago when I rammed it.

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