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High_Admiral

Texas Rising: A Kancolle Story

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Hey Y'all! So I'm writing a Kancolle Story following a few of my own characters as well as familiar faces in their journey to defeat the endless hordes of Abyssal ships that plague the world's oceans. So I'd thought you all would like a little snippet of what I've gotten so far. Enjoy!

Spoiler

 

Date: 8 Feb, 2017

Time: 00:35 Pacific Islands Time

Location: Undetermined

 

The old warship was a hive of activity. Wo-Class carriers, Ta and Re class battleships and dozens of different cruisers and destroyers ran about, updating charts and fleet manifests. There was no place in the shattered hulk that was silent, not even the bridge where the Empress was most of the time. Another radio report came in, and the corresponding Abyssal forces were marked out in red, then another report, more blood on the ledger. Everyone in the Command Center froze when the Empress walked in. Everything was silent, not even the old hulk made a noise or leaked water like it did the rest of the time.

“Report”, she said.

One of the Re-class, its heavily armored tail twitching like mad, cleared her throat, “My Lord, the unknown force continues to push into our territory. Nothing we do seems to slow her down and she is impervious to damage. We’ve lost half of the Eastern Pacific fleets already.”

At this moment, one of the Abyssals, Wo-781, spoke, “My Lord, one of our subs just reported that the unknown force took out 4 of the American destroyers stationed at their forward base in the islands, and that it’s heading this way.” The Empress turned around, her armored boots screeching across the rusted floor.

After a few moments of burning a hole through Wo-781 with her toxic, fire-filled gaze, she spoke, “Ready the First and Fourth Fleets as well as the Imperial Guard. Deploy the Fourth to the south with the First acting as reinforcements. The Guard will be the last resort before that ship reaches Central Command and our secret project in the Solomons.”

With a growl, the Empress grated, “ Send envoys out to the other regional commands requesting forces to shore up our defenses only until we can rebuild the Fifth through Eighth Fleets.” The room was silent as the Abyssals stared at the Empress.

“Are you deaf!”, she roared, slamming the Re-class from before into the bulkhead as she stretched out her arms, “Get to work! Before I have the mind to kill you all.”

One of the Wo-Class carriers, her usually pale skin now sheet white, called out, “My Lord, the First Fleet’s broken through our blockade. They’re on the attack!”

The room once again fell silent, and all eyes were on the Empress.

After a weighted silence, she spoke, “Ta-758, take the Imperial Guard and intercept the force attacking our eastern forces. Send every other ship to force the First Fleet back into their small patch of ocean, they cannot be allowed free reign, or the endgame would already be upon us.”

The Ta-class battleship in question stepped forward, “It’ll be done, my Lord.”

The Empress turned around to face the Wo-Class who gave the unfortunate news, “You, come with me.”

The Abyssal gulped and shakily stood, setting down her headset on the table. With a swish of her greatcoat, the Empress left the room, the scared Wo-Class in tow. A few seconds later, a bloodcurdling scream echoed down the hallway, followed by the crunching of bones and the splattering of blood against the metal decks.

Now its still a work in progress.(Like any story really) I enjoy criticism and y'all's thoughts on it so feel free to be as nitpicky as you want and I hope to see y'all on the open seas!

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I'm personally not a fan of using made up fantasy ships, it's jarring and a bit strange to throw such an OP ship alongside the regular ship girls. A girl loses a lot of her personality when she's completely made up, as half of the fun of these fanfictions to me is building the characters and their interactions with each other based on their service records.

 

Maybe that's just me but I just don't like the concept, sounds too science fiction for my taste, ironic I know when we're dealing with reincarnated warships as girls. 

Besides the concept itself, your writing itself seems more than up to par, some chapters seem a bit short but otherwise, the mechanics of the story itself seem good enough.  

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