Jump to content
You need to play a total of 5 battles to post in this section.
Xero_Snake

I'm tired & done trying to be a decent person

49 comments in this topic

Recommended Posts

Members
5,001 posts
60 battles

I'm done trying to do anything to make up my past mistakes... I'm tired of this fruitless & hopeless charade. I tried to maintain focus, but I couldn't. I tried to go past my past mistakes, but it still keeps popping up. This one can't work, that one won't do, then what can I do to make it right?! What do people want to expect from me & WHAT DO THEY WANT!? If I can't really where is the source of my problem, I only make the same mistake over & over again!

That's the problem of living a life bearing the burdens, the cycle of pain & suffering never ends! Everything is blurry, and nothing is crystal clear.

If branded as a persona non grata - a non-person is what I deserve, SO BE IT! You want me gone for good? BE MY GUEST!

I'm done... My reputation is already ruined, because of my screwed up psychology, my stupid impulsive tendency & my stupid insufferable attitude. I'm no longer deserved to remain here. After all, people like me don't deserves pity or sympathy for what I've done & what I am. My existence is not loved by anyone. All for nothing & wasted, there's nothing left I can say...

Edited by Xero_Snake

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
646 posts
4,282 battles

I don't know you and I don't know what you're going through, but I imagine that it's very difficult. You mentioned that you made a lot of past mistakes and can't seem to make up for them. Is this something that you feel, or is this something that other people are telling you? If you've made an honest effort to atone for hurting someone and they can't move past it, then you don't need to pay attention to that person. There is always an option, no matter how backed into a corner you might feel. I've struggled with depression since I was a child and that made for some very dark moments before I became an adult. It's scary feeling trapped, thinking you have no recourse. Again, I don't know you or how old you are...but something that I've always kept in my back pocket since I was a teenager is that no matter how bad my life gets, I will always be able to just walk way if I feel I can't handle it anymore. I'm not telling you to bail on your current life, I am just trying to tell you that there are always options.

 

A lot of people will tell you that you shouldn't care what other people think about you, but that's a terrible and dangerous over simplification. It's hard to not listen to all the negativity when it comes at you from every direction. But what you can do, is choose what you take to heart. I have a tough time taking things personally, especially when it's coming from someone I care about. Often there's something going on with that person that has nothing to do with you, but you're on the receiving end anyways. This is how I imagine it:

 

When someone says something to you, pretend they've just thrown a ball at you. Catch the ball and examine it. Is this ball a reflection of who you believe you are? If not, throw it away and don't take it personally. It's their problem and it has nothing to do with you.

 

Anyways, I know that was a bit rambling. I hope you're doing okay.

 

P.S. If this is just about World of Warships, I have some entirely different and far less sympathetic things to say to you.

Edited by Jiggiwatt
  • Cool 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
306
[SIDE]
Members
1,262 posts
8,886 battles

Anyone understand what this is all about? Not that I care much anyway...reminds me of a country/western song. It goes...my wife left me, my dog ran away and my horse is lame, yeehaw...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1,761
[PRNA]
Beta Testers
18,814 posts
2,987 battles

Sucks. Sometimes it's impossible to know exactly what people want because they don't know themselves. As for your prose? All I can say is: yeehaw. (Look at above comment)

 

I guess you don't really need to be a good person to play a video game so who really cares?

 

Honestly, I don't know what your attitude is like or what your mindset is or what you've done to "ruin your reputation" but I can clearly see you are a very melodramatic person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1,737
[TBW]
Members
6,420 posts
12,065 battles

Not enough context for anyone to help you. Sounds like you need a life coach.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
404
[WOLF5]
Members
1,543 posts
2,154 battles

Did I miss a crisis somewhere? Can't recall the OP being the center of one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
5,001 posts
60 battles
18 minutes ago, Jiggiwatt said:

I don't know you and I don't know what you're going through, but I imagine that it's very difficult. You mentioned that you made a lot of past mistakes and can't seem to make up for them. Is this something that you feel, or is this something that other people are telling you? If you've made an honest effort to atone for hurting someone and they can't move past it, then you don't need to pay attention to that person. There is always an option, no matter how backed into a corner you might feel. I've struggled with depression since I was a child and that made for some very dark moments before I became an adult. It's scary feeling trapped, thinking you have no recourse. Again, I don't know you or how old you are...but something that I've always kept in my back pocket since I was a teenager is that no matter how bad my life gets, I will always be able to just walk way if I feel I can't handle it anymore. I'm not telling you to bail on your current life, I am just trying to tell you that there are always options.

 

A lot of people will tell you that you shouldn't care what other people think about you, but that's a terrible and dangerous over simplification. It's hard to not listen to all the negativity when it comes at you from every direction. But what you can do, is choose what you take to heart. I have a tough time taking things personally, especially when it's coming from someone I care about. Often there's something going on with that person that has nothing to do with you, but you're on the receiving end anyways. This is how I imagine it:

 

When someone says something to you, pretend they've just thrown a ball at you. Catch the ball and examine it. Is this ball a reflection of who you believe you are? If not, throw it away and don't take it personally. It's their problem and it has nothing to do with you.

 

Anyways, I know that was a bit rambling. I hope you're doing okay.

 

P.S. If this is just about World of Warships, I have some entirely different and far less sympathetic things to say to you.

Nice hearing from your perspective, I will take this advice to my heart.

You don't need to talk about the game & the forum here, it's my personal problem for me to ask for an advice of how to deal with such conflicting situation, due to my inability to bear too much.

16 minutes ago, _Rumple_ said:

Anyone understand what this is all about? Not that I care much anyway...reminds me of a country/western song. It goes...my wife left me, my dog ran away and my horse is lame, yeehaw...

Do Puddle of Mudd song ring a bell to you?

11 minutes ago, StrixKitty said:

Sucks. Sometimes it's impossible to know exactly what people want because they don't know themselves. As for your prose? All I can say is: yeehaw. (Look at above comment)

 

I guess you don't really need to be a good person to play a video game so who really cares?

 

Honestly, I don't know what your attitude is like or what your mindset is or what you've done to "ruin your reputation" but I can clearly see you are a very melodramatic person.

Call me a melodramatic emo if you want, but I care little if it's about the game itself.

10 minutes ago, Sovereigndawg said:

Not enough context for anyone to help you. Sounds like you need a life coach.

Which is why I do my best to ask for help whenever needed in times of trouble.

 

Edited by Xero_Snake
  • Cool 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
437
[SAA]
Members
861 posts
27,372 battles

Sorry to hear you are going though this.  Are you in a clan?  Sometimes you can get help from others in this game that you closely associate with.

I have had the same frustration at times, it helps to have others around to adjust our point of view.

 

Anyways, good luck to you, and ignore the oncoming troll storm from the mindless forum mavens that will surely descend on you and this post.    :Smile_honoring:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
5,001 posts
60 battles
1 minute ago, Turbotush said:

Sorry to hear you are going though this.  Are you in a clan?  Sometimes you can get help from others in this game that you closely associate with.

I have had the same frustration at times, it helps to have others around to adjust our point of view.

 

Anyways, good luck to you, and ignore the oncoming troll storm from the mindless forum mavens that will surely descend on you and this post.    :Smile_honoring:

Hate to break it to you, but I'm in neither - clanless. Yet it's also a part of social interaction with a group of people. In the end, I began to realize myself that I'm ultimately a misfit in the wrong group of people with incompatible mentality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
351 posts
6,218 battles

Life is simple, when allowed to be.  Don't waste time looking deeply into what cannot be understood.  Just be a good person.  That's all you have to do.  It's easy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
5,001 posts
60 battles
5 minutes ago, MikeLWX said:

Life is simple, when allowed to be.  Don't waste time looking deeply into what cannot be understood.  Just be a good person.  That's all you have to do.  It's easy.

It's easier to said than done, however.

Life can as simple as one desires. But once a bombshell dropped on me/you, life you/I wished for wouldn't be the same anymore & it'd be difficult to recover it back to how it was. Just like once you picked up that bottle, it's gonna be awfully hard to put it back down due to addiction.

Edited by Xero_Snake

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
438
[-BRS-]
Members
1,649 posts
13,668 battles

I really truly hate to see anyone suffer I'm sorry to hear you have problems that haven't been easy to fix definitely a lot of love out there I hope you can find it because the only thing that's ever helped me get through any of my life issues

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
776
[SF-A]
Members
2,902 posts
5,722 battles

If you want I'm up to div this Friday night if you want someone to play with.

 

Also, for the record, your reputation is ironclad, as far as I'm concerned. Just having the courage to speak up impresses me.

 

Spoiler

Happiness/De-Stressing: I've found that a good way to be happier is to get a pet. If you don't already have one and are able to take care of one, get a kitten or a puppy or something. They can really be a source of joy in an otherwise bleak day.

 

Edited by pewpewpew42

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
351 posts
6,218 battles

There are infinite excuses for making things harder than they need to be.  Stop justifying your poor choices.  Lead a good life, and good things will happen.  It's no harder to do than what you're doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
508
[LOU1]
Members
3,078 posts
8,161 battles

Water under a bridge keeps flowing.

Once it has passed by, the passing by cannot be undone.

While the water that passed will always exist, it keeps moving on.

With time, that water is far out of sight and there has been a lot more other water passing under the bridge.

Including the water passing by right now and the water about to come...

 

Move forward from this point in time.

There will always be new water because the stream of life is continually flowing.

Look forward and be the person you would like to be from this point on (as someone else posted)... 

  • Cool 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
699
[SPTR]
Members
20,099 posts
5,398 battles

I'll start of with a bit of a shameless advertisement here, but do join ARMDA if you ever need reliable clanmates and friends to talk to or division with.

https://discord.gg/xqk3F4Z

I am all too painfully aware of how it is to feel isolated, I keep to myself and a few friends most of the time despite considering myself an extrovert, simply because I don't really "fit in" with my peers. I've psychological problems and I'm absolutely crap at keeping friends, and my personality may as well be in the gutter like my reputation. For some people here, I suspect and know that this is the same for them towards me as well. But remember, the internet is a large place, and there is always someone who can sympathize, who can click with you in this vast network of billions. If you feel isolated from one group or another, move on. There is always a better group in this vast world. It will be tough, I sympathize, but the nature of the internet keeps us footed in our comfort zones, the subjects we like and peers and others with the same love for the said subject-there are always other groups that will fit that mold in the millions here. It will be tough, but staying on won't help if you don't feel like "part of it". 

On a more personal note, I don't know you well, but I've always respected your knowledge on the Russian navy, being itself a rather obscure subject. I remember seeing that you are Malaysian or at least reside there. I'm a Malaysian-turning-Singaporean, with my relatives all in Malaysia; I would very much be open to the chance of having a meal with and knowing a fellow forumite. :P

  • Cool 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
5,001 posts
60 battles
4 minutes ago, khaenn35 said:

I'll start of with a bit of a shameless advertisement here, but do join ARMDA if you ever need reliable clanmates and friends to talk to or division with.

https://discord.gg/xqk3F4Z

I am all too painfully aware of how it is to feel isolated, I keep to myself and a few friends most of the time despite considering myself an extrovert, simply because I don't really "fit in" with my peers. I've psychological problems and I'm absolutely crap at keeping friends, and my personality may as well be in the gutter like my reputation. For some people here, I suspect and know that this is the same for them towards me as well. But remember, the internet is a large place, and there is always someone who can sympathize, who can click with you in this vast network of billions. If you feel isolated from one group or another, move on. There is always a better group in this vast world. It will be tough, I sympathize, but the nature of the internet keeps us footed in our comfort zones, the subjects we like and peers and others with the same love for the said subject-there are always other groups that will fit that mold in the millions here. It will be tough, but staying on won't help if you don't feel like "part of it". 

On a more personal note, I don't know you well, but I've always respected your knowledge on the Russian navy, being itself a rather obscure subject. I remember seeing that you are Malaysian or at least reside there. I'm a Malaysian-turning-Singaporean, with my relatives all in Malaysia; I would very much be open to the chance of having a meal with and knowing a fellow forumite. :P

Thanks for the kind words, even though I'm apparently at odds with my own ability to make convicting decisions in social aspects.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1,761
[PRNA]
Beta Testers
18,814 posts
2,987 battles
1 hour ago, Xero_Snake said:

Nice hearing from your perspective, I will take this advice to my heart.

You don't need to talk about the game & the forum here, it's my personal problem for me to ask for an advice of how to deal with such conflicting situation, due to my inability to bear too much.

Do Puddle of Mudd song ring a bell to you?

Call me a melodramatic emo if you want, but I care little if it's about the game itself.

Which is why I do my best to ask for help whenever needed in times of trouble.

 

So-o you want to hear more about how a good person you are? To give you comfort in your hard, hard time?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1,761
[PRNA]
Beta Testers
18,814 posts
2,987 battles

Also, perhaps explaining what you've done could give me a bit of insight so I might actually be able to offer solid advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
900
Members
5,579 posts
3,952 battles

Are you carrying these burdens for yourself or for someone else? Do you even know why you're carrying them? I also wonder what they are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
418
[WGA]
[WGA]
Moderator
1,117 posts
3,388 battles

Ah, I believe I experienced something similar in my younger days (sheeesh, I sound old). 

 

All I can say is hang in there. It's good to vent out. Have you tried speaking to close friends or relatives? This helped me a lot when I was going through this. Sometimes just venting out will make you feel all better.

 

I believe a lot of other people have offered to talk things out with you over discord. But I'm jumping in ont he bandwagon. PM me if you want me to add you on the unofficial WoWS NA Community channel (started by @Battleship_MaineMk1) . I hang out there most of the time. 

  • Cool 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
699
[SPTR]
Members
20,099 posts
5,398 battles
9 hours ago, Xero_Snake said:

Thanks for the kind words, even though I'm apparently at odds with my own ability to make convicting decisions in social aspects.

It's always hard to make decisions with people giving you pressure, consciously or unconsciously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4,317
[SOUP]
Beta Testers, In AlfaTesters
7,588 posts

I find it works best if you just be a decent person only to those you have any trust in. For everything else, theres MasterCard. (And a boatload of sass)

  • Cool 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members
5,001 posts
60 battles
1 hour ago, Chobittsu said:

I find it works best if you just be a decent person only to those you have any trust in. For everything else, theres MasterCard. (And a boatload of sass)

MasterCard? What to use for?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×