ROCKSTARPOETRY

A good neighbor is someone that doesn't put a password on their Wi-Fi - I have no good neighbors

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Do you ever think about that ? No. You only think about yourself

That awkward moment when you realize that an energy drink has a better space program than your nation

I hope I'm never dad enough to have a cell phone holster

I wish I could run away from my problems like Mayweather did

If you mix LSD with Advil your headache rides away on a dragon

I'm still trying to figure out how to greet people during lent... Because I know it's inappropriate to greet someone with happy holy week

BREAKING: Zayn Malik quits the band One One Direction to join ISIS

Give a girl a fish and she'll freak out because fish are gross. Teach a girl to fish and she'll be like "but I want Starbucks" *sobs*

Wish I could have a Piccolo to cry on

Ironically, the only way I'd watch 50 Shades of Grey again is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to

This world can be a better place if people start accepting their mistakes as quickly as they accept "Terms and Conditions"

I love when somebody posts a selfie and nobody likes it

QUESTION: "Do people treat you unfairly because they are jealous of your super powers?" ME: "Yes"

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Okay, now read without the word dog and you're welcome