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How do I write a premium review of gift ships without sounding like, "Haha! I have one and you missed your chance!" ?
Wowzery
The way you've been writing them, its been informative on how to play them. That's what people will want to read. As for missing your chance, oh well, that's life. Don't worry about it.
Carrier_Taiyo
Then just make the first line of the review say "HAHA I got one and you missed your chance! *trollface"
The best place to hide something is in plain sight. The more you call attention to something, the less they will notice...